While painting my self-portrait with sight size method, my relationship with myself changed. I thought it would be a straightforward process, but seeing my reflection in the mirror was different from seeing myself in the painting. Using the sight-size method, I painted with my eyes, not my mind, which made me face how I truly look, not just how I think I look. As I added layers, I felt like I was discovering who I am now. This experience was influenced by a book I’ve been reading, A Course In Miracles, especially a passage about the difference between the “self” and the “concept of self.” It says we build a self-concept that doesn’t really match who we are. So I wondered, when I paint myself, am I capturing the real me or just a concept of me? ​The belly button of a banana tree is a self-portrait inspired by a humorous encounter with a banana tree I found on the side of the road, where its belly button leaves resemble a large pair of lips. This whimsical moment prompted me to reflect on the deeper themes of disconnection between humans and nature, highlighting how we often perceive ourselves as separate and more important than the environment that nurtures us. This separation can distort our understanding of identity, as illustrated by a thought-provoking line from Ram Dass's Paths to God: “At what point do we turn ‘them’ into ‘us’?” Language, while facilitating communication, creates barriers that foster this illusion. Additionally, the extremes we go to in reconstructing our identities through body modifications—like surgeries, piercings, and tattoos—can overshadow our true essence, leading to a fragmented sense of self. Ultimately, this self-portrait invites viewers to reconsider their relationship with nature and identity, encouraging a reconnection that embraces authenticity beyond external appearances.Interestingly, my dad isn't fond of this painting of me, I think because it's a bit uncomfortable, but I cherish it because it reveals a deeper truth. We all have different facets of ourselves, some of which may be darker or less appealing. I don’t want to paint perceived beauty; I want to capture what is truly there. This can be confronting and may sometimes be seen as ugly, but it reflects reality. I believe that true beauty resides in these darker aspects, where authenticity shines through and invites deeper understanding.